You are not a good person, K.

After I emailed K, her husband G, called my husband C.  Can you believe that?  G wanted to hear from C's mouth the story of their affair.  G wanted to see if what C said lined up with what K said.  Some things didn't and I am sure that was pretty hard on G.  Months and months later, I would realize how hard that was on him.   

My response to K’s email:

Sep 30

K, I have to confess, I was shocked to even hear from you.  Also, I have to confess, I am shocked that my heart is as soft towards you as it is.  But that is the work of the Lord...and time.  I've had 5 weeks to wrestle with every possible emotion and when I think of G having to go through this right now, it brings me to tears.  Because I know how he is feeling.  I all too well understand his anger.  His hurt.  I think he handled his conversation with C like a man, with a lot of self-control.  G is where I was when I sent you the very first email in August.  So please don't think that I don't fully and all too completely understand how fresh G's wounds are.  But I hope that you can see (and G too) that there is hope.
I thank you for offering your apology to me.  I forgive you, Kim.  I really do.  I could not choose to offer forgiveness to my husband and yet withhold it from you.  So I do.  I forgive you from my heart.  
One thing I wanted to touch on from your response was this:  You are not a good person.  I am not a good person.  Neither is C or G.  We are all sinners who make foolish choices.  All destine for Hell.  It is because we are not good, because we are all sinners that Christ died on the Cross.  You chose sin.  C chose sin.  I choose it.  There is no gradient scale for sin.  God does not see me any better than He sees you.  Praise Him!  But please don't fool yourself into thinking that you, or any of us are "good people".  Because that would be a disgrace to the sacrifice that Jesus (the only good and perfect person) gave for us.  If we are good, then His sacrifice was for nothing.  His sacrifice was for EVERYTHING.   Everyone.
Like I said in my last email, C wasn't totally honest with me in the beginning either.  He was (not on purpose either) forgetting details.  But as he remembered, as the days went on, or as my questions stirred his memory, he shared honestly with me.  Because he knew it was better to share openly NOW, rather than have anything come up later on and attempt to destroy our marriage again.  I know it's hard and scary.  But being on the victim's side (like G) I can honestly say I wanted to know everything.  I didn't want anything hidden from me anymore.  I'd been deceived for far too long.  So I'm glad that you feel like last night you finally got it all out.  Keep going.
Find the roots, K, to why you made the choices you did.  I'm not pointing my finger at you right now, I just want you try and draw out some of the deep rooted issues as to why you acted in the way that you did.  C and I have been through the ringer of the "whys" on his end of the affair.  What are your insecurities?  We've all got them.  What is lacking in your marriage that made you turn to another man?  Get yourself and your marriage into counseling.  And not with your pastor, because quite honestly it sounds like he's pretty deceived in the biblical way to handle this situation.  But really, I just want you to figure out who you are.  So that you don't have to continue to live in the traps of insecurity.  And shame.  Let go of that.  Jesus died on the Cross to forgive your affair.  C's affair. (I don't ever want you to think that I believe him any less guilty then you).  Let Jesus forgive you and tenderly minister to you soul.  Cling to Him, K.  It is the only way that you will be able to live.  The only way your marriage will be able to survive this.  You and G cannot fix this.  Only God can.  And He want's too.
Again, you are welcome to respond if you'd like.  But just know, as you are, I'm praying.  Constantly in prayer, K.