I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was just 10 years old. I was invited to AWANAS by a friend and it was there that a woman spoke into my life about who Jesus was and what it meant to "accept Him". I remember laying in my bed at a little 10 year old and asking Jesus to come into my heart. Shortly after that, the family that loved on my and showed me Christ, and shared His gift with me moved away...and so did my general direction regarding the Lord. It wasn't until I was 18 year old that I began walking with the Lord again, and it wasn't until I was 28 years old and my husband had confessed adultery to me that I truly understood the Gospel.
September 21, 2011
from my journal:
I’m having a rough
day, Lord. I know You know, but I woke
up feeling angry. Defeated. I feel angry at You, God. I feel
angry that C had an affair. I feel
angry that we sold our house. I feel
angry that I have to drive back and forth from my parents. I feel angry that I’m a single mom right
now. I feel angry and frustrated. I know that this is not a good place for my
heart to be. But I’m not so foolish as
to believe that I’m not going to have days like this. I’m thankful that You are big enough to stand
my anger. I’m thankful that I have the
hope of knowing I’m not going to stay mad.
I feel frustrated that no one is checking in on C and I. That I have to be the one to pursue
still. I feel angry that no one even
responds to my emails. I know
that others have their own things going on, but I just feel a little…ignored?
September 26, 2011
from my journal:
I realize more daily
how thankful I am to go through this trial.
I rejoice in this severe mercy.
One, because I finally have the husband I’d always longed for, but most
importantly, because I’ve realized I’ve always had the husband I longed
for…You. You have my heart completely. I have amazing days with C right
now. You’ve truly worked a miracle in
our marriage. And the thing that I love
the most about my amazing days with him?
That I still long for time with You.
I desire You more. My earthly husband cannot
satisfy me fully. You can, and You do. Thank you for carrying me through this
war. Thank You for healing my wound, for
giving me medication through Your Word.
Thank You for restoring my marriage and giving me back my husband. And thank you for restoring myself back to
You. Thank you for the Gospel. Thank You
for helping me to understand it better than I ever could before this severe
mercy.
1 Thessalonians 1:4-10
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen You,
because our Gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the
Holy Spirit and with full conviction…you became imitators of us and of the
LORD, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy
Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers…For not only has the
word of the LORD sounded forth from you, but your faith in God has gone forth
everywhere, so that we need not say anything…and how you turned to God from
idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven,
whom he raised from the dead, Jesus, who delivers us from the wrath to come.
I don’t know that I
was “chosen” by You, but I know that I am loved by You. And I know that the Gospel came to me not
only in Your Word, but in power to restore my marriage. I receive Your Word in much affliction with
the joy of the Holy Spirit. I want to be
an example to all believers, not to boast about myself, but to boast about You
and Your mightiness. I will continue to
turn from idols. Dig them up out of me,
Jesus. I want to serve You, the Living
and True God.
