Divorce.

When we think of idols, we often refer our minds to a carved piece of wood.  Or a shaped and molded piece of metal.  But an idol doesn't have to look like that at all, and it's often the idols that don't fit a "physical" mold that are the most damaging.  It took my husband's confession of adultery for me to finally recognize the indeed he was my biggest, most destructive idol.  What on earth do I mean by this?  Well, I was more focused on "pleasing", "satisfying", and living up to his standards (which is silly because he didn't even have standards for me, he loved me as i was!) than God's, who is my true Husband.  I was the cheerleader for: "happy home, happy husband!"  I wore the clothes he liked, the jewelry he liked, the make up he liked.  I preached a hard lesson of, "have sex with your husband at every chance you get!"  After all, if you are having sex with him often and keeping him satisfied at home, why on earth would he ever wander?  

YUCK!

Granted, these aren't bad things, but I  was putting my hope and my security of my marriage on these things instead of on the Lord.  My husband had an affair with another woman despite my effort to control this very thing.  Your husband might too.  I am not wishing this on you!  I would never ever ever ever want this for you, but what I want to communicate to you is this:  Jesus is your Husband.  Even if your husband, your wife betray's you, Jesus never will.  He will always be your Husband and you are His cherished, beloved Bride.  

Be cautious.  LOVE your husband!  Love him!!!!!!  But, do not turn him into an idol.

September 6, 2011 from my journal:

C talked about how he and I have gone through a divorce.  That divorce happened when he broke the covenant of our marriage vows.  And now he and I are dating again.  Boyfriend and girlfriend.  It feels at the same time scary and exciting.  He does not touch me, and I’m ok with that.  When we were dating/engaged we only kissed, but the intensity of it and frequency was too much.  He says that isn’t going to happen this time.  We’ll go slowly.  We also talked about how I need to grow.  How I need to be wary of turning C into and idol.  I don’t think it was intentional.  But it’s true, I did.  I took more security in having him for a husband.  But You are my Husband first.  My worry and fear is that C and I will with Your grace, by Your hand restore our marriage, and that he’ll cheat again.  But what I’m realizing is this:  he might.  He might start drinking again.  Looking at porn again. He might, but that cannot stop me from trusting You.  If that causes me to halt in fear, then C is still and idol to me.  My trust, my worship must be Yours.  No matter what.  Jesus, help me to let him be my husband without allowing him to become my Husband.  You will never leave me.  You will never cheat on me, steal from and betray me.  My future doesn't depend on C.  Truly, he doesn’t matter in the big picture.  You do.  That doesn’t mean I can’t love him, and enjoy him. He just can’t become more to me than You.  He can’t.